I needed to go home

After a month long holiday in Canada - home - I finally feel like I am back to myself (for the most part). I really struggled with the whole move here, lack of friends, missing family, and adapting to a whole new culture. I didnt do well. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, or with anyone. Even going back to work at a hospital (I worked at a hospital for 8 years back home and I always felt like I was meant to be there) I

realized how different everything is here. I spent an entire month being corrected on terminology that I was taught, and excelled in - to be told "well this isnt Canada" and "in Australia we dont say that", I felt frustrated and overwhelmed. I hid back in my stay at home mom bubble that made me feel safe, yet alone, all in one.

When I booked the tickets to home, I felt relieved. I couldnt wait to get there, and I counted down everyday until we landed. Seeing my family (it had only been a year since I saw my parents, but my brother and sister in law had been nearly 2 years and we were VERY close before I left) and seeing my friends, I felt over the moon with happiness. I had laughed, which seemed far and few between in Australia, and I had amazing conversations with people who cared a lot about me. We went for a month, and even now that we're back I feel like it wasnt long enough. Is it ever long enough though to say goodbye to everyone you love, knowing it could be years before you see them again. I dont think it's ever easy to do, especially having Bentley which is the first nephew and first grandchild in the family (well, first blood related and who looks identical to my brother and my dad... like twins).

I needed to go home, I needed a refuel of people who made and will always make me feel special and important. I needed to watch my son play with his papa, laugh

with his uncle, give kisses to his auntie and cuddle his grammie. And they needed it

as much as I did. When they all said goodbye to us at the airport, it was and will forever be the hardest thing I have to do. Not knowing when we will laugh again together, or when we will stay up until 1 am chatting about all things life. I am so happy and blessed that we got to spend an entire month together, and hoping the time between isnt as long as it was.

I know that the right place for Bentley is Australia. He is VERY outdoorsy, loves the water, and loves the sun. Where I am from has snow 9 months out of the year, and the majority of it is too cold to be outside for a long time. I couldnt take him away

from all we have here. Even though Id give anything for my family to watch him grow up in person - I have to do whats right for him. Luckily the internet is so advanced now that we can chat in what feels like person, when ever we want.

Since coming back, I feel like I am a lot happier where I am. I've gotten rid of expectations on myself as not only a mother and partner, but as a friend and how I spent so long trying to fit in places I never really belonged. I guess its because I knew this wasnt who I was. I was a happy, outgoing and always laughing type of girl - and after going through depression with the move, I lost myself. Who would want to be friends with someone who was sad all the time, or who was always talking about the wrong in their lives? I wouldnt. But I feel like something clicked, and Ive gone back to my happy place. I finally feel like I can call Australia home. Even if my circle of friends is smaller (way smaller) and my family is thousands of miles away, I do have a lot of people who care an awful lot about me and Bentley here. Who, if I let them, would make me laugh the way my

besties do back home. I feel really good about coming back, and I know eventually things will start to flow.

The rain only lasts for a short time, and eventually a rainbow shines through the clouds. Even though sometimes there are some dark days that last what feels like forever, know that one day the sun will shine again.

xo Shyla